Manuel is a Migrant! (But Not a Filthy One)

Is a very moving story!

I am on the move with my blogstories, taking them to

Coddlepot.com

I hope that you will also join me there. I will take my blogroll with me so that nobody is left behind accidentally, and I will smuggle everybody in under my Djellaba without the dozy immigration officer noticeing.

Is like an esciting adventure escept without all the perils of risking the open sea in a crappy wooden boat with no food or water and lots of dysentery.

Please come for a cuddle in the coddlepot!!

Besos.

Manuel

Escape to Victory!!

I Flap My Wings and Fly Like Icarus!!

Si, is the great news that Real Madrid the Best Team in the World have deigned to sign from the useless Manchester waste-of-space-can't-even-beat-Barcelona team their only decent player, Cronaldo of Portugal (which historically belong to Spain). He is will play alongside the Brazilian genius Kaka, who will also do his translating for him, in a Galactico v.2.0 that will inevitable win all the trophies going next year, including probly the World Cup.

Cronaldo was always very unhappy with staying at the Manchester, mostly because of all the ugliness everywhere. Every day he was having to drive through the horrible pissing rain, all along the grimy Coronation Street, and into the mouldy old Trafford, where he would have to spend the day with Mr. Potato Head, Frank Ribery, The Orange Utan, Beetroot Face, and Nemanja Vidic. Was all very depressing. Is no wonder he try to end it all by crashing his Frerrarri into a wall!!

Now instead he will enjoy the sunny and glorious Madrid, drive along beautiful and wide and clean streets, look at all the beautiful virginal Madrilenas (although he cannot touch them because he is still a foreinger), arrive in the magnificent Estadio Santiago Bernabeu, and play alongside other beautiful and virile young men such as the Kaka, Raúl, Guti, Saviola and, to a lesser estent, Van Nistelrooy. Will be just like the old Galactico team—which have the genius Zidane, the little girl Beckham, the traitor Figo, and the bald Ronaldo—escept this time much better looking. With Florentino Perez back in charge, once again Real Madrid will be organized in the traditional feudal Spanish Christian way, with a small group of aesthetically beautiful and delicately tended geniuses supported by a mass of thick ignorant peasant. And I don't mean the fans!!

¡Así gana Real Madrid!

Opportunity Knocks!!

One is an unpleasant demagogue contemptuous of the masses and who always wear black. The other is the former leader of the British Union of Fascists!!

I am reading all about the disarray in the British government and the big spanking that Gordon Brown is getting from the idiot British electorate and also from his party of atheist communists (with the dishonourable esception of Tony Blair, who get out while the going was good and avoid making all the difficult decisions by becoming a Catholic after he leave power), and I am notice that generally in the Britain there is an overwhelming contempt for politicians of all stripe because of their fiddling, diddling, piddling, and other things that rhyme with griddle. The inbred Tory Party is an obnoscious bunch of self-glorifying creeps eager to get at the public trough and return once more to the glory days of John Major, William The Hague, and the other bald one, when Conservatism was a by-word for insipid craven prefect types such as the Hamilton sisters, Neil and Christine. The Liberal Democrats is the party where everyone go to when they die. And the Greens want to harness all brand-new technology at the nation's disposal to take us back to the feudal era, which in iself is not objectionable, escept their version of feudalism involve maypoles, cider, and paganism, not proper feudalism, with strict hierarchy, the Inquisition, and death at 27.

As a consequence, a lot of peoples in Britain is casting around for a proper party that have nothing to do with politics at all, and this is where the BNP is coming in. Is a tradition in Britain that the fascists never do very well because all of their interests have been cater for by the Conservative Party, Little Chefs, motorway motels, and private clubs in Streatham. Also because the Second World War, with the Holocaust, Adolf Hitler, the bombing of Coventry, the glorious retreat at Dunkirk, and the such like, all of which give fascism a bad name in England. Is not possible anymore to be a proper self-admitted fascist in Britain without somehow getting a bad name. People will say to you, "If you like it so much, why don't you go back to 1930s Germany?" Also, if you look at the class that which have traditionally been associate with fascism, such as criminals, thugs, gangsters, sociopath, second-hand car dealers and their sons, they are all now only on Eastenders! Even the current leader of the BNP, Nick the Greek, is a fictional character; my Irish readers swill remember in James Joyce's Ulysses that the Nationalist character in his book have only one eye (is meant to be the Cyclops from the Odyssey). Was meant to be a metaphor, but I think the BNP have take it literally!!

Of course, we fascist know that there is nothing wrong with having only the one eye. You can still be a member of the master race. One of Spain most greatest fascist, José Millán Astray, have not just one eye but also one arm. However, he lose his arm and his eye on the battlefield, not opening a can of paint to spray Pakis Out on a wall in Cambridge.

Many of the British people will be vote for BNP in the elections, but they will do so with no illusion that the BNP can return Britain to the glory days of fascism, such as under Margaret Thatcher or Cromwell. Neverthenonetheless, is clear that there is a thirst among the British idiot public for a strong and charismatic leaderclass who can discipline and punish them and also scapegoat the Jewish bankers, the European Union, and immigrants for the current economic crisis (UKIP is not up to the job, let's face it). But where is this leaderclass?

Look no further than the reality television. Right there you are have the Simon Cowell, the Gordon Ramsay, the Anne Robinson, and, for the sake of political correctness, the Alan Sugar. Straight away you have four very unpleasant individual who espress nothing but contempt for the British public, and the British public love it! They are mean, rude, they wield their power capriciously and thoughtlessly, they are without guilt or shame, they revel in their own achievements, they have no capacity for introspection, reflection, or sense of social justice. Nietzsche would be very proud of them. I can picture them, even as I sit here naked, executing small ponies without an ounce of pity.

Is necessary therefore that the mass rallies that are Britain's Got Talent and the X-Factor are now transform into mobs of reaction. Simon Cowell and Amanda Holden must lead the people out into the streets of the United Kingdom to smash up Jewish pawnbrokers, assault beggars and chuggers, burn down foreign fast food outlets such as Pizza Espress, Kentucky Fry Chicken, and Abrakebabra (not McDonald's, which is originally Scottish), and then lead a mass orgy of looting and praying before storming the parliament and installing Gordon Ramsay as Lord Protector and cooking for everyone a nice meal of bangers and mush. Only then will Britain be Great once more.

You know it make it sense!

Ask a Man Who Knows!!

You Can Trust Me, Sir. I'm a Priest.

One of the upsides to all this kerfuffle about sexual abuse and the clergy is that it will lay to rest forever the argument that priests are in no position to offer marital or sexual advice because of their lack of esperience. On the contrary, we now know that priests have been getting much more sex than the rest of the adult population and are therefore probly in a far much better position to offer tips about handjobs, blowjobs, snowjobs, dogging, catting, and hamstering than any of the so-called "experts" in the back pages of Marie-Claire, Cosmoplolitan, and Model Railroader magazine. I know that if ever I was having sexual problems, such as a disobedient wife or penis, the first person I would go to ask about it would be Father Pedro. Well, after I had spoken to the girl at Samaritans on the phone and pulled myself off; I don't want to turn up at Father Pedro's and halfway through our frank and candid discussion about rubberwear develop an unwanted espression of friendliness in my trousers that he might miscontrue.

I am not alone in this belief, it would appear. The news is reporting that "a Polish Catholic priest has published a book which provides married couples with a theological and practical guide to spicing up their sex lives." Father Kasweary Kuntz is the author of Sex for Catholics: Getting Away with Getting It Up, which presents advice for married Catholic couples on how to spice up their sex lives while remaining faithful to Our Lady. He recommends, for esample, inviting in some Protestants to watch, not because voyeurism is intrinsically arousing but because their presence will provide an incentive to show much how much better it is to be Catholic (Protestants are not allowed to remove their socks or underwear, for instance, whereas Catholics can engage in all sorts of toe sucking and sole scratching). Another suggestion from Father Kuntz is that the husband make a donation to the church every time his wife suck his balls, which is clever because ladies are traditionally more pious than men and so will want the church to benefit from their actions, but they also know that sex is a filthy disgusting evil activity, especially when men are involved, so they are frequently reluctant, I am told, to lick any part of the male anatomy, with the possible esception of the elbow. Following Father Kuntz's advice, however, will render prostitution entirely unnecessary ever again.

Some peoples may look askance at a sex book by a priest, but Father Kuntz insists that all of his tips and advice are in keeping with the teachings of the Holy Roman Catholic Church. He discourages the use of contraceptives, for esample, because they lead Catholic couples down a slippery slope, especially if they have used lubrication at the same time. Before they know it, they will not just be using contraceptives but also engaging in all manner of Protestant activities, such as homosexuality, reading the Bible for themselves, and teabagging.

Besides, says Father Kuntz, as many priests will tell you, they never had to use a contraceptive once, and yet their sexual partners NEVER get pregnant. God knows his own and takes care of them. And so does the Catholic Church!

Pay Attention Juan Carlos!!

And This Does Not Include My Duke of Edinburgh Award!!

Si, is the Prince Phillips of England, spouse of the Queen but not a king himself, just a sort of male First Lady, but with more balls than Laura the Bush and Michelle the Obama, although not Hillary the Clinton. Indeed, some people are say that Prince Phillips compensates for not being the king by his escessively aggressive xenophobia, homophobia, hydrophobia, quadrophenia, and misogyny, but I say, "not at all!" There is nothing escessive about any bits of him! In fact, he is an esample of one of those crazy Greeks who we would all do well to learn from. He always speaks his mind and it never take him very long.

Phillips is in the news this week because the so-called neo-Nazis of the British National Party have announced that they are boycotting a Buckingham Palace Garden Party to which they have been invited because of the likelihood that he will be there. They have said in a statement that "we do not wish to be associate with estremists, racists, nutters in general, or people who make slitty-eye faces or the jokes about suntans and nig-nogs. The British Nazi Party is a respectable democratic organization that will have no truck with antiquated reactionary ideologies and does not think Dukes should be allowed on platforms or that Prince is even a proper name, escept for a dog. Political estremists of all stripes should be sent back to wherever they come from or hunted down like Jews."

This, I think, show an utter lack of sense of humour on the part of the BNP, not to mention a lack of respect for the less important members of the royal family. Have they already forgotten Prince Harry's swastika armband, Prince Williams's aryan good looks, Prince Charles's adoration of Albert Speer, Lady Diana's tribute to Jorg Haider? I, for one, would kill any number of my own family, or indeed the royal family, to get a chance to meet the Duke of Earl. He is what every modern monarch (or monarch's wife) should be. He is tall, like Michelle the Obama, he have a grimacey smile like Hillary the Clinton, and he is bald, like Laura the Bush. But more importantantly, he uphold traditional British values which the British themselves have seem to forget, such as anti-intellectualism, killing things, and awkwardness in social situations, the major English character trait and which esplain why, historically, the English was always preferring killing people to meeting them, all the better if it could be done from a distance, such as over Dresden.

I look at our own dear king, the doting and moribund Juan-Carlos, and I wish that we could do a swap. Prince Phillips look like a thrusting dynamo in comparison. He is Patrick Swayze to Juan-Carlos's Farrah Fawcett. I bet that if Prince Phillips had been king of Spain during El Tejerazo, he would not have peed in his trousers and told the army to get back to the barracks. No! He would have rub his thighs in delight and say "Bring it on, you beauty!" or whatever the English aristocracy is saying whenever it daydream about the mass slaughter of the working class. In fact, I think he would have been leading the coup himself, with his trusty shotgun in his hand shooting down the peasants like pheasants and the pheasants like grouse.

The British Nazi Party need to take a good look at themselves and laugh. That is what Prince Phillips would do.

Maybe that is why they are too scared to go. He would outwit them.

Is a joke!

False Pope Visits Israel, Condemns Jews, Muslims, to Hell

Is the Usurper Pope in a Usurper State!

All the papers this week are being raging about the news of the False Pope, Benedinct, and his visits to the bit of Palestine called Israel and the bits of Palestine called Palestine in order to finally bring peace to that dreadful place, although his real message to the world, obviously, is that if everyone was Catholic, none of this would be happening. And also to laugh up his sleeve at people of other religions killing one another. Like all popes, false or not, I'm sure he is totally in favour of that.

This was always going to be being a delicate trip for the pope, one of the reasons why he did not call for the annihilation of Israel while he was there. As a former Nazi and the leader, or fuhrer, of a religion that, until recently, correctly condemn all Jews as deicides, responsible for the executing of Jesus, he was having his work cut out to make a convincing case for the Holocaust. Fortunately, he have the sense to take a middle line, not going the way of the total deniers and pretending that nothing untoward happened in Poland in the 1940s; nor going the other route of saying, "Yes, we killed millions of Jews. What of it?" which is the attitude of most Germans of his generation. Instead, he recognize his obligation, as leader of a mainly non-German church, to acknowledge the Holocaust without taking any responsibility for it or saying sorry, which to me seem very sensible indeed. After all, his main responsibility as fake head of the Catholic Church is to all the world's Roman Catholics, many of whom are not German and did not directly take part in the Holocaust. Indeed, many Roman Catholics who were around at the time in France, Italy, Poland, Czaechoslovakia, and so on, all lost Jewish neighbours during the war and were forced to watch in the streets as they were dragged off and put on trucks and carted off to who knows where and never seen again. What do they have to apologize for?

Si. Is very important to recognize that the False Pope is in the Middle East NOT as a former Nazi but as the head of the universal church, and therefore it is wrong to criticize him, as some have done, for his wartime indiscretions. What's more, we shouldn't be distracted from the real issue here, which is the False Pope's illegitimate reign of terror that renders all statements he makes on behalf of Catholics entirely without validity. People need to get some perspective.

A few years after the Real Pope, John Paul Mark Two, was kidnapped and usurped, a Holocaust survivor named Idit Tzirir described how a young seminary student named Karol Wojtyla trudged through the snow for miles carrying her on his back after her release, emaciated and suffering from tuberculosis, from a German labor camp. At the time, we all knew that this was an attempt by the Benedinct cabal to smear John Paul's good name among true Catholics, but consider now how useful that story might have been from a PR point of view if it had been John Paul still in power today visiting Israel and not the admitted former Hitler Youth member Benedinct, who might have come across Tzirir in the snow and shot her!

Anyway, I am see also that the Vatican has been making statements defending the usurper Benedinct's anti-Nazi credentials. It is saying that some of the pope's best friends are Jews, and also it is saying, "for Christ's sake, give it a rest. Do you espect him to mention the Holocaust EVERY time he visit a synagogue? Is only the Jews who do that!" And also, to appease the Israelis, Benedinct made an important statement to the Palestinians, telling them to stop throwing stones at Israeli tanks. And also to stop persecuting Christians. After all, Palestine really belong to them.

The Middle East truly is a minefield, even if you have the best will in the world, so imagine what it must be like for the False Pope. Every step he take is accompanied by a BOOM! And yet still he walks among us, spreading his false creed. The only esplanation can be that he is the anti-christ himself, which is what I have said all along.

Him or Barack the Obama. I am not able to decide. Maybe both.

Scratch an Anarchist and a Fascist Bleed!!

No, Silly, is not Cirque du Soleil. Is Mussolini being hanged by the Garibaldis!

Whenever peoples are asking me to esplain to them the intricicasies of the Spanish Civil War for Golf, I always tell them, "ask your priest!" But sometimes they are persisting, because it is all too complex for even a man of the cloths to understand, and besides they know that I will give them the truth, rather than an impartial, objective "historical" account.

What they are all wanting to know is: How come the Trostskyists and the Anarchists were both fighting for the republic yet were also Fascists, as the Soviet Union said. Also, how come the Soviet Union was betraying the Spanish working class and undermine its revolution when it was meant to be the vanguard of the international proletariat. Also also how come the Generalísimo's best fighters in the crusade for Christian Spain were the Moors who he set loose upon fellow Spaniards to do the pillage, rape, torture, and murder for Christianity. How come also the Irish was fighting on both sides? And where were the crazy Greeks? And many other such intriguing questions that the war throw up like undigested liver and onions.

First of all, I make them sit them down, and then I make them stand up again and go to the bar and buy me a Cardenal Mendoza. And when they come back I esplain to them that the war was really a very big and sad misunderstanding that was mainly the result of the fact that a large proportion of the people of Spain, such as the Basques and the filthy Catalans, did not speak Spanish properly, and as a consequence there was lots of crossed lines, faux pas like the bombing of Guernica, and other summary massacres that was really just lapses in etiquette. Because, what you are having to understand about the Spanish people as a whole, is that all of them are, in reality, natural fascists, like all peoples in other countries too, especially the Irish, who I espect were fighting on both sides just to make sure.

All this confusement about the war was brought to mind by the comments of the mad crazy anarchists and fascists who have been leaving comments on my blog over the past few weeks. On the one hand, there have been peoples such as Poutsas, who claim to be an anarchist and then call me a "stupid cunt," which is unusually florid and angle-saxton language to hear from anyone of the politically correct persuasion these days. And then, on the other hand, there is peoples like Neonazi Greek and Greek Nazi who use language that is either much too educated and correct grammatically for a proper fascist, or else they describe engaging in filthy disgusting homosexual practices that I thought was only allowed in Masonic rituals! You can see how easy it is for people to get the wrong end of the stick when there are fascist thug anarchists and genteel homoerotic Nazis. How are the police going to know which ones to beat about the head?!

Which all bring me back of course to Benighted Benito, pictured above doing political gyrations for which he was well known. Mussolini begin his political career as a socialist and syndicalist but only later did he see the light and become true to his nature and adopt fascism. He was realizing that very often people's purported political beliefs are really just a disguise, a justification for their resentments, grudges, and self-interest. Instead of pretending to be principled and idealistic, he decided to be sincere about his prejudices and biases. If you happen to know any fascists yourself, you will know already that they are all always very honest. They hate intellectuals and people who are better educated than themselves, and they hate people who have more money than them, and they hate women and foreingers, and they hate liberals, and they hate the Jews. In other words, they are just like everybody else, with the difference that they make no effort to conceal their feelings. They are like you only more sincere!

This is why Mussolini had to be hanged and beaten like a pinata, of course. Because honesty always makes people uncomfortable. And also because of all the people he killed. But at least the people he killed knew he had integrity, whereas when the anarchists was killing people, they were not only committing murder, they was also doing it in Bad Faith. Think how their victims must have felt!

Yes, war between fascists is a terrible, terrible thing. And yet, somehow, it seem to be so right!

Do Not Panic: Kill All Mexicans!!

Is no wonder the swine flu is spreading. His mask have holes in!!!

Hola everybody. I espect you have both been reading about the appalling pandemonic which is taking place in Mexico where they have crossed a pig with a virus and produced swine flu. If we are not careful now, it will cross over from Mexicans to humans and we will have a terrible kerfuffle on our hands just like is predicted in the Book of Revelation. The so-called scientists in charge are saying on the news that so far there are about 150 Mexicans that have died with the flu, which is I think half the population (all the rest of Mexicans live illegally in America) and also 1,600 of them are showing symptoms of the disease, which include the sneezing, the coughing, and rooting around in the dirt for potato peelings (although, as my good friend Carlos is say to me, "how can they tell?").

Once again we see humanity paying the price for 1: playing with Nature and 2: Not listening to God, and also 3: playing at being God. The swine flu can only develop when human and swine DNA are combined, which can only mean one of two things: Either someone is making the genetically modified pigs, or someone is having sex with pigs and reproducing, making small combined-human-baby-piglets. But also, wait, I have thought of perhaps a third possibility, which is that someone has make an organ transplant from a human being into a pig, maybe for practice or maybe to keep their favourite pet alive.

This would make sense, because, as you know, pig and human DNA are almost identical, apart from the bits for pubic hair and speaking Spanish. Pigs are actually genetically closer to us than gorillas, chimpnezees, bobobos, and pigmies, although they are also closer to pigmies than they are to us. In the past, it was common practice for surgeons to use organs from pigs for operations on humans if there was not the spare human organs around, for instance if the Chinese government was not executing anybody that week: Did you know, in fact, that the first heart transplant was carried out by Dr. Christian Barnyard in Switzerland using a pig's bladder instead of a human heart? No you did not.

It did not work.

But if this is possible to use pig organisms for humans, then it follow that the other way round is also possible, and that would esplain how the swine flu was invented. Perhap some well-known Mexican celebrity such as, erm, I am not knowing any, but say he have a pet Vietnamese pot-belly pig which have been diagnose as terminally ill with prostate cancer, and the celebrity say, "I care not one jot the espense, I will pay anything to save my pet," and some enterprising individual, probly from Southeast Asia, hear him and say, "No problem, he can have my prostate, I am not wanting it anyway, my wife's fingers are too short to reach it," and then he make the donation to the pig. In this way, the pig is now part human, and when he next catch flu off another pig, he convert it into a part pig-part human flu.

Or maybe the celebrity just had sex with his pig and got it that way.

Whichever way was the truth, and I do not think we can rule out any of these possibilities, I think that our responsibilities are clear now. We must erect a fence all the way along the border between Mexico and the civilized world so that no viruses can get through, and then we must starve the remaining few hundred Mexicans until the flu get fed up with the poor diet and the awful heat and decide to migrate back to pigs again, where the quality of life was much better.

In the Book of Revelation, St. John the Bizarre is predicted to have said that before a black man ever become the president of America, pigs would fly. And what do you know: Swine flu!!

You Cannot Teach Eggs Benedict to Suck Your Grandma!!

"Lighten up, baby. Don't be such a fascist!" "Huh! You're a lily-livered weak-kneed liberal and I want my real pope back."

Things have come to a pretty pass when the former leader of an industrialized country's socialist party is further to the right than the supposed head of the Catholic Church. Despite everything that was recently being done and said in the papers about the homosexuals and their objective disorders, such as HIV, narcissism, and disco dancing, Tony Blair has demonstrated by his past actions that he is a genuine principled man of the right, willing to subvert democratic processes in the interests of a jolly good war, happy to remove any and all socialist influences from his party's constitution and membership, and eager to prostitute himself and put the interests of multinational big businesses ahead of those of the great unwashed, also known as the electorate. For these many things we must salute him, all the more because he manage to do so while concealing himself underneath the thinnest carapace of "beliefs"; for years, nobody knew WHAT he stood for. Now, after all, we know that he is a Holy Roman Catholic who was fucking the Anglo-Saxon Protestant English up the arse all along! Is all very funny.

And yet, is not so funny. And not just because sodomy is an abomination in the eyes of the Lord, whether it is done with Protestants or not, but also because Blair has found himself stuck on a fork. A moral fork. With two prongs. A moral tuning fork. Or perhaps two knives tied together. Anyway, his problem is that, on the one hand, as a Roman Catholic for the last five minutes he now has to exhibit absolute and unwavering obedience to the head of his church, while on the other hand, he know full well that the head of his church is an illegitimate usurper who is only pretend to be advancing a far right agenda when in fact he is a sheep in wolf's clothing, a dissimulator (and a battery-operated one at that!) who, even if once upon a time he was a good fascist, is now just presenting a facade of a genuine right-wing agenda because he know that this is where the action is if he want to pick up any new members in Africa! Si! This is the truth behind the conspiracy. The Bednedict cabal is selling out our church to the darkies! They have realize that the Western hemsisphere is all secular or evangelical or agnostic or filled with homosexuals and communists, so now they are look further afield to recruit new members. A new struggle is taking place to colonize the Third World, and if it mean we have to pretend to want and welcome inferior races into Our Lord's church, then the Bednedict cabal is only too willing to open their arms and legs and mouths, saying all the right things that Africans want to hear about homosexuals and women and the like, yet all the time never mention what we think about immigrants. Is a big disgrace!

So what does the clever idiot Tony Blair try to do? Is very clear, I think. He is calling the pope's bluff by standing up for homosexuals. Everyone in Africa will read what he say, if they can read, that is, and they will say, "Hmm, I am very confused by all this. Up until now, I have always look upon Tony Blair as a decent upstanding extreme right-wing populist betrayer of the masses, the sort of man who really should be advising this pope. But if someone so right-wing is pro-gay, then where does that really put Bednedict on the political scale? He must be a child-love-fornicating bestialist with a sideline in snuff videos! If only the true pope, John Paul #2, was around, he would soon clear this matter up and our chances of joining the world's one true church would no longer be a matter for discussion because we'd never get in. Pass the Monster Munch."

I have heard in some quarters from people who should know better, things like, "Tony Blair should keep his trap shut," and "Obedience is the first virtue of a good Catholic" (which is true, but not to this pope) and "Give me back my baby oil, I haven't finished with it yet." All of these comments are out of place and show an incomplete understanding of the real complexities of the issues at stake here, which is why only a select few should be allowed their opinions, namely, the readers of this blog and Mr. Blair, who I think only reads it from time to time when I am discussing pop music and beach volleyball (I know he sends links of my posts to his friend the philanderer Bill Clinton, who look in from time to time). As you can see from this one example, the apparent story in the press is not all it is crack up to be. Is often something very different entirely, if you know how to read it properly. Once upon a time, only the clergy could read, and they would then tell everyone the correct story of what was going on. Is about time, I think, for us to return to those enlightened days, although I say "enlightened" with my lovable ironic Iberian accent. You all know what I mean.

Fame Is My Cruel Mistress and I Love Her

I am never being so popular before! Is like being John F. Kennedy. I only hope it doesn't go to my head like it did to his!!

I am all in a kerfuffle this week because of all the esciting attention I am being receiving from new peoples who have just found my blog, thanks to the wonders of the Internet. I espect you have seen some of the new commenters, many of them idiot Greeks who have learned now the English language, finally. This mean they will now have the chance to read the classics from their own history, such as 2001: A Space Odyssey, by Homer, The Thunderbirds, by Virgil Tracey, and The Iliad, by Troy Tempest. I am also receiving new attention thanks to my postings at the Irish Life Review, which is bringing my blog to the attention of all sorts of new readers, who are saying things like "What is this shit?" Si! Some people simply do not like exposing their mind to new ideas, even when they are old and venerable and highly respected ideas such as fascism!

I am make for you some esamples:

For my very erudite, informative, and edumacational posting on the Vietnam War recently, the tone of the debate was lowered by someone who call themself anonymous, who says:

"You are an asshole nazi scum. You are one of the biggest shame for the humanity."

Is not even a proper sentence! And what's more, it make the mockery of a very important and sensible debate we were having about U.S.-East Asian rapprochement, and "anonymous," if that IS his real name, come in and spoil it with name-calling. This is why the Internet should be allowed only the elites of society who know how to use it properly.

Anyway, I made the pleasantries, and I offer anonymous manly kisses, only then to receive this appalling comment from "ProudGeek":

"To what you said about Greeks:

I think you are an asshole. When we had civilization you were living in the caves fucnut.

I AM PROUD TO BE A GREEK AND HAPPY TO INFORM YOU WE ARE GONNA SPLIT THE HEAD OF EVERY FOREIGN CUNT LEECHING MY FAIR COUNTRY. FUCK OFF TO SPAIN BASTARDS. GREECE IS FOR GREEKS NOT FOR NIGGERS LIKE YOU.

The Greek ppl are real patriots."

What a big disgrace. And talk about Off-Topic!!

You see, some peoples get a bee in their bonnet about one thing you say, and then for them it colour everything else you say as if it invalidate all your thoughts. Is as though you were a fan of Hugh Grant, the fine English thespian and former British prime minister, and then you discover that he was getting a blowjob off a cheap Latino hooker in the back seat of a car. Would you then say, "Harumph. That's really spoiled Four Weddings and a Funeral for me now. And I'll never be able to watch Notting Hill again." No, you would not. You would say, "I will judge each individual film on its merit and THEN never watch them again." And you would be right.

What ProudGeek was complaining about, in fact, was this article which I write about the stupid crazy Greeks and their rioting in Athens. As you can see, there is nothing controversial in what I am write there. Is all commonsense and it hopefully make readers reflect and think, "Hmm. I had never think about this topic like that before. Manuel has let me see the whole world in a complete new set of lights." And after all, that is my pudenda. However, when this post is go up on the Irish Life Review site, it cause no end of kerfuffles. People are say things like:

"Can you spell something right in your native language?

Irish pigs bastards… AXE AND FIRE TO THE ENEMIES OF GREECE

Long live Greek proud nationalism

Fuck the barbarians"

Which I suppose is an advance on killing and enslaving the barbarians, which is what the Greeks used to do. Eventually, one of the nice Irish Life Review editors had to point out that the post I had written was meant in a spirit of constructive criticism and was in no way meant to imply that burning Athens to the ground was the best thing that could happen to the place. It was very decent of him to offer that interpretation to pacify the mentalists, I think.

And today now I read on my article about censorship, which concern the time another of my articles (on my favourite topic of lady lesbians) was censored by the Irish Life Review, this bizarre comment from someone who is name "Anti-fa":

Your URL from this post and your anti-Greek delirium has been sent to the police. I think you should know your rights before you try to insult other nationalities idiot. I hope immediate action will be taken against you very soon! That's it for now. Talk to u soon.

What is it with the idiot Greeks? Do they post their ravings anywhere they feel like it? Are their toilet walls and the streets of their towns and their dogs all having writing on them which say "You are an asshole nazi scum. I am telling the police"? Do they chant it at their football matches? Is it the first thing they say to their wives and children in the morning? It seem to me they have no control at all over where or when they say things. Is like a form of mad political Tourette's syndrome.

I am only point it out now because you can espect that it will turn up at your Web site soon. It seem to occur entirely at random! After all, is not like I have done anything out of the ordinary to incur their wrath.

Keep an eye out, and don't not take it personally. And if a Greek person sidle up to you in the urinal and say to you, "great big nazi cock," do not presume that it is meant as a compliment. They simply cannot help it. Just put your great big nazi cock away, wash your hands, and back away to the exit, all the time keeping an eye on the crazy Greek in case he try something. Becuase you never know what they might have in their purse.

Is a joke!

Do Not Panic: Kill All Orang-utans!!

Is for stuffing the bird of paradise, but you could be next!

As a devout and pious Christian, I am never cease to be amaze by the wonders of Our Lord's Creation and what he come up with next. I am think sometimes that when He make the universe all those years ago, long before you or I was being born, that Our Lord must have been on some pretty potent psychotropic drugs that had not yet been invented until he create them! For instance, just look at things like snails, tornadoes, oil paintings, CD cases, repelling pencils, cheese, lawn mowers and smoke. All of them must have been the product of an amazing derange mind with a superb imagination none of which any of us could dream of matching, even in our wildest dreams. Or in our imaginations. Can you imagine having such an imagination? No, you can't, which prove my point. In my case, for esample, all my dreams is of ladies' stockings. And nothing else. God's imagination must be at least thirteen times more powerful than my own humble wet imaginations.

And further proof of God's general all-round innovative brilliance come today with the news that so-called scientists have discovered a new population of Orang-utans in a remote part of Indonesia called now Borneo (which is an Indonesian word which mean humid. They have hundreds). You will note, of course, that the scientists was only discovering the Orang-utans. They did not invent them. God invents everything. Scientists only ever discover them: Gravity, Outer space, invisible carpets, and so on. Even the combustion engine was not invent, as everybody think (thanks to propaganda of so-called Enlightenment liberal freemasons) but was dug up in one piece in 1882 by three-year-old girl working down a coalmine in Alsace. She died the next day.

Anyway, these are no ordinary Orang-utan, as you can see above, who spend all their day sitting in trees with long lolloping arms and amuse themselves by pulling themselves off and aiming their spunks at monitor lizards on the floor below. Or throwing their poos at lady anthropologists. No! These are much advanced Orang-utans with a superior technology. They all wear clothes, for instance: a suit and tie during the week, and tracksuits or causal suede wear at the weekends. They also have the power of speech, through which they converse with one another about topical issues and also deliberate over technical matters such as the acquisition of food and shelter. The report says also that they have even manage to develop labour-saving machinery, such as cutlery (see picture above), nail files, vacuum cleaners, and a special catapult device that enables them to launch their shit at lady anthropologists 25 miles away. There is much here we can learn.

The problem that is face the Orang-utans most of all, however, is that much of their habitat is being destroyed by destruction. The rainforest is being replaced by palm oil plantations, from which is made the palm oil, used in such important and necessary products of modern life as candles, plastercasts of penises, soaps, olive oil, whales, and the cot. Indonesia and Malaysia are the biggest makers of palm oil in the world, after God, and because other countries nearby, such as Thailand and France, are very inconsiderate, Indonesia and Malaysia have to grow their plantations in their own country, which is drive the Orang-utans bananas!

The real danger for humanity, however, is that as the rainforest disappears, the Orang-utans will be forced to move into the towns and cities and find work there, bringing with them who knows what sorts of diseases and ideas. Is bad enough that they do not believe in holy matrimony. Just wait til they move in next door to you, with their nest in your attics and their old-school Islam, and their bloody muezzin calling them to prayer at all hours of the day and that Gamelan music that drive you round the bend! I tell you, this is just the thin end of the stick. Next thing you know they will be stealing our women and smoking our cigarettes and running our media, like Berlusconi in Italy. I don't think we should wait to let this happen. Write now to your European representative and insist that all steps are taken to ensure that this newly discovered population is wiped out before any damage can be done and it is all too late for normal thinking people like you and me.

You know it make sense!

The Other Civil War for Golf

Is Very Beautiful. And Not a Peasant to be Seen Anywhere

Everyboth of my readers is knowing by now that the main reason for fighting the Civil War in Spain was being to save Christian civilization for golf. Have a trip along the south coast of my fine country (if we let you in) and you will see that where once there was marauding non-golf-playing Muslamics there is now verdant vistas of something else that begin with v. Say what you like about the Russian gangster oligarchy and their stripping their nation's wealth to set up in the lap of luxury, at least they have their priorities right and understand the importance of landscaping. And now, I am happy and also intrigue to see, another country which have fought a civil war is also reaping the happy benefits.

You must understand that I am not normally read Sports Illustrated magazine. However, I am for one reason and another up by the airport the other day, and because I have to do some shopping, I am pop into Deiland into Playa Honda and see that it have all manner of foreign papers and magazines, I espect for the espatriates on the run from injustice. I know already that it stock Sports Illustrated because I make here one visit a year to get the 3-D Swimsuit Edition with the special glasses. Is all in colour and everything. Is like watching the beach volleyball from my terrace with magic binoculars!

So from force of habit I pick up the latest issue and put it in my shopping basket, alongside with my mint sauce, lubricants, bikini wax, Gloria Estefan CD, and box of colouring crayons: Deiland truly have everything! And then, while I am idling at the traffic lights, waiting half hour for them to change, with Gloria wassailing in the background, I flick through my magazine and I see a facsinating article all about the Ho Chi Ming Golf Trail in the former U.S. colony of Vietnam. The article tell how a former marine name Ron go back to Vietnam to play the same places he previously bomb and pillage (I espect the magazine was secretly hope also that he probly meet up with the same prostitutes from all those years ago and maybe even meet some new family).

The interesting aspects of the story, of course, from a human interest angle, is how the golf courses owe so much of their beauty to the war. As you can see from the picture above, the bomb craters is now gently undulating sandtraps. The roughage is fertile verge because of the calcium in the soil thanks to all the bodies that has been buried underneath. And of course, the glorious broad fairways are pristine and tree-free thanks to the Americans' deployment of the chemical depillatory known as Agent Orange, which not only remove the hairs from your legs but also the trees from the land, the skin off your back, the scabs off your knees, the cheese off your plate, and so on. Be careful with using it on your moustache or your anus, ladies!

The Ho Chi Ming Golf Trail is made up of seven courses, all aimed at Americans. As you know, the Vietnamese are very good at aiming things at Americans. But whereas once upon a time they want to drive the Americans out the country, now they want Americans to drive their balls around the country. There is another 60 golf courses being built in Vietnam to lure back the vets, which I assume means the Vietnamese have none of their own. In my esperience, vets tend to be the least aggressive of the medical professions, which is probly why they lost the war.

Not all the Viets are happy about the vets, though. The article is saying that the Vietnam people have a love-hate relationship with Americans. This is pretty much like Europeans have with Italians, I espect: We love their culture but hate their people. Nonetheless, the Vietnamese recognize the necessity of reconciliation with the old enemy if everyone is to move on and the Americans' pockets are to be emptied. This is a lesson the Basques and the Welsh could usefully learn from. Is no point living in dignified poverty when you can fake forgiveness and fleece the wealthy winners. But I espect that is one reason why they lost in the first place. They did not have the cunning wiles that the Vietcong was in possession of. Nor the splendid geography or climate, either. Is a lesson for us all there, though I have not yet decide what it is. Something to do with Our Lady, I espect.

Which remind me of a nice joke I remember: Why do golfers prefer to go to church on Sunday morning instead of having sex? Is because they get five holes with the son of God!

Is a joke!

Spain Is Show Its True Colours!

Los Hermanos Menendez . . . Come on Down!!!

I am being heartened this week by the story I read in the papers (English version is here) about the innocent young parricide Cyril Jacquet and the decision to remove him off from the show Around the World* just because it turn out that when he was a teenager he kill his mother and father! Is a very multifaceted story that fill me with renewed warmth at the perseverance of the human spirit, and also in these times of recession that a plucky, can-do attitude is all that we really need to succeed.

"Some people won't let you put the past behind you," say Mr. Jacquet, very understandably. I think Leon Trotsky said the very same thing, escept he wasn't taking part in a globe-spanning competition with a grand prize of €200,000. And, to be fair to Señor J, or Cyril, as I think we can call him, he have the right to feel indignate. After all, he have paid the price and done the time for his crimes, and now he is going straight (although there is some doubt about this because he is work as a flight attendant). Neverthenonetheless, some of you I am hear saying, "Harumph, Manuel," and also "Get your hand off my knee. Cyril was only spend three years in a youth detention centre for killing his parents. You have clearly not been in such a place, Manuel. Is like Toys R Us escept with heroin!"

Is a fair point. Some people may look at Cyril and his record, and then also see that he was being flown around the world for this competition, and they will say "Lord luvva duck. Life is just one big holiday for some people! Three years in holiday camp we laughingly call prison, his whole life now without parents beating him or telling him what to do or making him do homework or eating vegetables, and then he get nationwide publicity and treat to world tour. I just wish my parents was not already dead or teetering on the brink in retirement home with Alzheimer's, incontinence, arthritis, colostomy bag, and Alzheimer's. Some people have all the luck!"

But the take-away message from this story is I think altogether differents (and it is not Give a parricide a second chance.) It is this: Consider the fact that Cyril have been remove from the competition as soon as the organizers are finding out that he kill his parents. This would happen only in Spain! In Italy, for esample, if the organizers had find out half-way through, they would immediately have gone into hush-hush mode, and do everything to keep it quiet until after the show have gone away and everyone have forgotten who these unimportant people are. In Russia, on the other hand, they would have hired international hitman to kill the offending participant and then never mention them ever again and pretend they had never even been in the show. In England, if they had find out half-way, they would deliberately fix the show so that the killer would win (although it probly would not need a fixing; the British public love killers). And in America, the organizers would have stipulated at the very beginning of the show that you cannot go on it unless you HAVE kill your parents!

Thus it is that I have heart-warm feelings because of this story. It tell me that Spain is still not so cynical, depraved, sophisticated, decadent, corrupt, and other words, that it would take advantage of multiple murder for financial gain and publicity. We still live in what is, deep down, a decent, innocent, just, civilize society where people are not always thinking about the bottoms line. If this make us naive in a disgusting sinful shit-stain world, then so be it. It does not stop us from being salt of the earth, fruit of the loom, or chicken of the sea. And what is more important, it does not stop us from having the number one best football team in the entire universe and everywhere else!!

Is true!





*Not to be confused with the pornographic show of the same name on the XXXX-KOCK Cable Channel.

All's Well That Is Ending Well

Si, is the Social Partners: Is Totally Unnatural!

Is a photo of ICTU leader David Begg and fat-lipped Irish Taoiseach Biff O'Cowen engaged in one of their lurid dances around one another that is only educational in a negative way and children should not be allow to watch.

My soul has receive a sick note from God this week. Not because I am any sicker and disgust with the state of this world than usual, but because I am come out in a sarcastic show of solidarity with Irish public sector workers, who will now be working 10 percent less hard than they already were not because the government has made the unilateral and bold decision to impose a levy on their pension. Is a big disgrace! If there was any justice in this world, no worker would live long enough to be able to draw a pension. Is a typical sign of the lax management practices that go on in the public sector. You can bet that it is not allow in the private sector, where union leaders are reviled by honest decent ordinary unemployed workers, who take the lead in following what their priest and boss tell them.

Biff O'Cowen was very smart in making his unilateral decision, though. He was deliberately provocating the unions with his last-minute demands in the knowing that they would refuse, so that he would be "forced" to impose the levy. This now make him look like a strong and decisive leader willing to make the tough decisions about hurting other people after having being lamb-basted in the medias for being indecisive for months and not having a clue what he is doing. He is much smarter than that: he have at least half an idea.

There is one bit of Biff's argument which nobody is buying, however. Biff is saying to everyone that it is important that the pain of the knacked economy is shared by everyone equally. The burden must be shared around and the misery universal. Nobody is falling for this persiflage for one second. Is clearly a big difference between the public sector and the private sector in terms of the suffering. Telling someone that they have to pay a pension levy is much much less painful than having to tell someone that they are out of a job, and in Ireland, I know for a fact, many bosses are in the estremely painful position of having to tell their own wives, sons, daughters, mistresses, grandmothers, and so on, that they will have to take a pay cut or even stop working altogether outside of the home. That must make mealtimes totally unbearable!

Biff doesn't really know what he is talking about in this regard. Some of the CEOs and bankers and bosses in the financial services sector are sacking thousands of people. Think how painful it must be for Michael Dell to have to tell 4,000 people that they are fired. For each one of those minions, of course, for them is only one job, and in any case they are ignorant plebs and their senses will no doubt be dulled by years of beer and television and chips. But for Michael, is like death by 4,000 cuts. 4,000 job cuts. It must be an esquisite agony for him every time he has to personally endure the responsibility of telling someone their job can be done more profitably in Poland. THIS is why CEOs deserve to be paid so much money, by the way; they take on the heavy burden of doing the horrible jobs in society that nobody else want to do.

Telling civil servants they must pay some money to their pensions is a stream of piss by comparison, so Biff is kidding nobody when he say that the pain he feel is equal to that suffered by the likes of Michael Dell or Peter Conlon at Xsil or John Hennessy at Ericsson or the poor bosses at IBM, Boston Scientific, Celestic, GlaxoSmithKline and cetera, and cetera, and cetera. THEY know what pain is, Biff, so stop pouting!

Bring back Bertie the Herne. At least he make us laugh!