Thursday, May 18, 2006

Evil Stalks the Earth. And the Internet Too!

Is true!! Proof is found in victory of satanic forces of communist atheist Catalans (see picture above of Puyol, Rijkaard, Larsson and gypsy king Ronaldinho) last night against brave French team from London in Paris. And also in possession of blog here by fake Manuel pretending to love all thing Catalan and inspired by evil angel named Lucifer (is posh name for devil but we are not deceived).

Is not yet enough prayers said for exorcism of this blog, nor enough money sent to Spanish embassy to release me from this terrible demonic possession. And now this terrible curse has spread beyong the Internet onto the football fields of Europe. Is only matter of time before we see small children unashamedly promenading the streets with Barcelona shirts on their backs. Is ploy that the Old Nick has stolen from Jesuits, who used to say, "Give me a child when he is 7. Please."

Do not be fooled, my brethren and sistren. Do not be deceived by the evil smiling face and long lascivious tongue of the evil, fat-lipped Ronaldinho. His brilliance with the football can only have been acquired by selling his soul to Satan, much like famous guitarist Robert Palmer. Is clear to all decent God-fearing people.

I am in much pain. Please send money soon!


PMJ said...

Exorcism is best achieved by having at least 7 (magic number) nubile young virgins dance naked in your bedroom for, oh, hours and hours.
This always has the desired effect and the curse will be lifted immediately.
Close the curtains though, don't want the police or gawpers interfering.
My wife was quite surprised when she came home early and found me conducting an exorcism, as she had not realised the house was possessed.

Manuel Estimulo said...

Muchas gracias, PMJ. But you are forgetting. I live in Dublin. Where will I find the 7 virgins?

Gorilla Bananas said...

You talk a lot about Satan so you must know a lot about religion. The Catholic church needs men like you for the priesthood, if you can give up sex with women.

As a gorilla, I can't give up sex, so I would have to become a Protestant Minister. Also, I am good at speaking in tongues.

el comandante said...

I happen to believe that Ronaldinho resembles Jar-Jar Binks. But he is a fantastic footballer, and he will help Brazil win the cup this year.

Dr Maroon said...

Re the 7 virgin problem:
Why not substitute the last seven Irish Eurovision entrants. It's as near as you'll get.
Look at the evidence. (St) Dana. OK she's got a lot of kids, but you're not telling me she's made the beast of two backs. Never.