Wednesday, April 25, 2007

But Jesus Was Already There!

Did you see the spetacular news in the paper today about how "scientists" have "discovered" a twin planet to Earth only 20 light years away?! I put "discovered" in quotation marks for two reasons: One, is because if there is life already on that planet, they will not be take kindly to anthropocentric view, just like myth about Christopher Columbus "discovering" the America when there were already Native Americans there (descendants of original Spanish owners); Two, and more important, is because God created the entire universe, so Jesus has already no doubt been to new planet and had a good look around.

New planet is older than Earth, which scientists say means that the life there will be more advanced than here. This is great news. It mean that everyone there speak Spanish and society is run on Holy Roman Catholic principles of hierarchy, obedience to the chruch, humility, and discipline. I am looking forward to going there already.

At present, is not possible for any of us to get there, because although scientists are very good at finding things, they are not so good at making things, and is necessary for us to make a space ship that can travel at light speed for us to get there within the lifetime of ordinary person. You do the math. If planet is 20 light years away, and plane flies at light speed, that mean you will have to live to be . . . um . . . one hundred and forty, before you get there, and even if their health system is really good, like in Spain, and 140 is a normal age of teenager there, you will still have difficulty fitting in because you will not have the same cultural references as the natives, who will have grown up watching the same television programmes, eating the same food (square-shape rusks, strange flavours of Gerber, different episodes of Telletubbies, and so on).

There is not just the flight problem. You will also need to wear special space pilots outfit (shown above) for travel at light speed, in order to stop your body from breaking up or melting in the intense cold of deep space (where Twin Earth is). Of course, Jesus did not have to wear special clothes when he visited, even though he was made in man's image, because he has special super powers and is able to transform himself into sunbeam, which allow him to travel at light speed (he is also able to turn into lamb, dove, and gorilla).

I espect also that because civilization on Twin Earth is more advanced, when Jesus arrive to bring them the Gospel of One True Chruch, he was not born in stable but probly in special test tube made of gold. And I bet he was crucified using lasers.



Twenty Major said...

And I bet he was crucified using lasers.

Very good.

What if they all speak Catalan on this planet though?

Manuel Estimulo said...

Hola Twenty--

If Twin Earth is truly more advanced than us, then obviously Catalan will have died out! I espect they might keep one or two Catalans in the zoo out of curiosity and for entertainment, but what other purpoise would it serve?

Twenty Major said...

How can you argue with that logic?

Can I suggest they keep the old man in the Maradona shirt who does keepy-uppies on the Ramblas?

Manuel Estimulo said...

You mean Maradona?

Twenty Major said...

heh. He's better than Maradona.

gledwood said...

Scientists make such an easy target to poke fun at ... I remember our biology teacher, using the English word with a 1000+ yer old Germanic root ... telling us that birds do not really "fly" because rockets fly and birds propel themselves through the air with wings in the wrong way to be true (as defined by scientists) "flight" ... what else can I add?
Fascinating blog you got here! I found you by chance with a random hop out of mine. You must come see my site, it's called It's very different to yours; more my kind of secret diary online. You're welcome to drop by there if you like. So maybe I'll see you there but whatever happens keep up the great work here.
All the best to you
("Gledwood Vol 2")

Manuel Estimulo said...

Hola Gladwood--

NEVER trust biology teachers. You can end up in all sorts of embarrassing situations and putting parts of your body in hideous places if you follow their instructions. I think they just make it all up for a laugh.

And look how wrong they are about smoking. They still insist it does not make you look sexy. Is a big disgrace.

itelli said...

Scientists... Pffff... They go round, inventing and discovering... Do they ask anyone? No. Who cares? We think it's needed, we'll fucking fix it. So, who do i complain to if Twin Earth has natives who hate other galactic beings they have never ever met? What if they decided to attack us? What if Jesus has already been there and he liked it? What if they heard his story and decided to invade our Earth to revenge in his name???

I am escared...

Manuel Estimulo said...

You are quite right, Itellia. If they invade, we must be on their side. In such circunstances, always ask yourself, "What would Franco do?" I am sure he would have collaborated with invading and more pious devout followers of true Christ in order to destroy decadent atheist corrupt human civilization.