I am besides myself with awe, joy, bliss, exhilaration and humility this morning thanks to Lord God Jesus Christ King of Kings and his merry men, because of amazing miracle that occur for me here in Las Islas Canarias as I prepare my breakfast (after my usual three hours of prayer) just as sun was come up.
Do you remember when God sent me a sign in the shape of a dolphin after I took my breakfast mug of coffee and absinthe off the counter? That was message undoubtedly related to kidnap of real pope John Paul II by the usurper Bendedinck (although subsequently the sign evaporate into thin air like it was never there, such is the genius of our Lord). Well now, God has gone one better!
I was making my usual round of toast with butter and champagne, brandy and ginger marmalade, and I apply the butter in usual way, but when I return from fridge with jar of marmalade, miraculously, God had shaped the butter into a portrait of Saint Pio, better known to his friends as Padre. Isn't it phenomenonomenal!! Can you see him there? I almost pass out with elation, much like when I was strangled by monkey in Madrid last week, escept this time without the erection.
I have not figured out yet what the meaning of this sign is from God. I suspect that is just a general, all-purpose benevolent sign for humanity because it is Easter, but there may be deeper ramification that I am not qualify as humble layman to decipher. Either way, I am rapidly begin to think that my kitchen should ought to be converted into a shrine or something, to make money from devout and pious Christians who want to come and worship in front of the fridge or by the coffee maker.
What do you think the meaning of this sign from God could be? I myself sat down on the balcony and thought long and hard about it while I had my breakfast (coffee and absinthe, shot of brandy, croissant with almonds and Amaretto, crepes, toast with butter and champagne, brandy and ginger marmalade; tasted heavenly!). I am not getting on well yet with local priest thanks to misunderstanding and crossed wires related to mistaking rosary for anal beads, so is not possible yet for me to approach him on this matter. Is why I ask you for your considered opinion (in comments below please). Is an event that of course make me very happy, and is Easter time when all Christians are celebrating Jesus's death, so I realize you may not have time to ponder the insignificance of my butter. Neverthenonetheless, let me send you all good wishes and hope you have the Easter you hope for, with big chocolate eggs, weekend away from the family, annual oral sex, and the suchlike.
I joke about the oral sex! See how happy I am?!