Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Take Your Filthy Paws Off Me, You Damn Dirty Ape!!


Is one of my favourite films of all time:
Behind the Planet of the Apes


Was a very sad event at the last weekend. In California, local law enforcement officers finally prised the rifle from the cold, dead hands of Charlton Heston, film star and actor and famous member of the IRA. Is reported that even some of the policemen there could not contain themselves and had to be relieved.

Heston was made famous by his famous homo-erotic movie Ben-Her, about a Jew who becomes a Christian when he fall in love with Jesus, escept not in a holesome way. As is well known, pervert and atheist communist intellectual Gore Vidal was responsible for the script, which featured lots of kneeling in front of centurions with bullwhips, riding chariots in skimpy clothes, and fisting. In later years, Heston put his participation down to youthful esuberance, and he try to make things better by starring as Moses the Law Breaker in The Ten Commandments, although how posing as the founder of the Jews is an improvement is beyond my understanding. It was in that movie, however, that Heston was introduced to the Ten Commandments in person, one of which, as you know, says that every American has the right to bare arms, which Heston was very keen on doing.

This was a turning point for him in his career. From this point on, Heston become a sensible right-wing zealot, opposing gun control, abortion rights, ladies, and so on. This led to him being cast as the protagonist, John Taylor, in the anti-immigration movie The Planet of the Apes, as well as all the sequels: Escape from the Planet of the Apes, Behind the Planet of the Apes, The Planet of the Apes Must Die, and Goodbye, Mr. Chimps.

The original Planet of the Apes was based on the book Monkey Planet, by French novelist Patty Boullay, and is a stark, dire warning about what will happen to the white man if he let the monkeys take over by letting them all into the country. In the future, they will be running the place: doing jobs, scrounging on the dole, being in the army, taking advantage of our decentness, and so on. For most people, this important message was lost in the movie because the monkeys look nothing like foreingers for the most part, and it is only right at the end of the film, when Taylor realize that he is really still in England, that the true message of the book come to the fore and Taylor screams, "Damn You! Damn You All! Enoch was right!"

After making the Ape movies, Heston go into politics, supporting Ronald Reagan and fighting against gun control. Sadly, however, he come down with the Alzheimer's disease toward the end of his life, so that when he try to revive his acting career, in the esecrable Bowling for Columbine movie, he kept on forgetting his lines, he make a big fluff of his appearance, and eventually he have to be carried back into his house by Michael Moorecock, the fat director, who also make Fahrentheit 451 and has a new movie out, Psycho, originally made by his father, Alfred.

Many decent-thinking people will be missing Charlton Heston now he is gone; I, for one, would have liked to have seen him take on the ultimate acting role, El Generalisimo, before he died. This is not so likely, now, however, unless they use him only for the final scenes.

He would not even have to act!

4 comments:

Gorilla Bananas said...

He was a great man, but those apes he beat up in the movies were not real apes. Mr Heston was no match for even a female chimpanzee, who is strong enough to pin any man to the ground.

Manuel Estimulo said...

Hola GB--

I defer to your more intimate knowledge of female chimpanzees in this regard. Gracias.

Bock the Robber said...

You made me laugh, you filthy unwashed Spaniard

Manuel Estimulo said...

Hola Bock--

Ha ha. I see what you did there!