Love of Power 1, Power of Love 0

"Inter fans, I am have some good news and some bad news!!!"

I am not a great fan of logic, as you are all know, but when you have won the most prestigious club competition in the world with two mediocre clubs, logic must dictate to you that there is nothing left for you to do escept either (1) retire, (2) do it all again but with the crappest club in all the world, or (3) become manager of the best club in the world, the perfect fit for the best manager in the world, and hope that soon some kind of intergalactic tournament is set up so that you can test still further your brilliance and fantastic talents. Number (1) is out of the question if you are only 47, number (2) is out of the question if you hate Barcelona with a vengenance, which is only leave number (3), and which is why we can espect any day now that the world's best Portuguese man (including Brazil) Jose Mourinho will be announced as the new manager of Real Madrid best team in the world. This is fantastic news not just for him, but also will put the wind up Barcelona fans, who are already hate Mourinho and whose hatred is reciprocate. It will also be great news for Manchester United supporters, who are espect that all the best players from Chelsea will now head for the Bernabeu, such as Frank Crampard, Ellen Terry, Diddle-eye Drogba, and Joke Hole. But not Deco. Arsenal fans will be less happy, Tottenham fans will be peeved, and Liverpool fans couldn't not give a shit.

It was only yesterweek that Mourinho was leading Inter Milan to the Champion League trophy, but already behind the scene there was machinations going on to lure him away. The previous manager of Real, whose name I can't now remember, was unable to secure even a single piece of silverware in the past season. Someone even stole some of the spoons in the players' lounge, so the club is actually down on silverware this year. This was despite having spent over 250 billion euros in the previous summer to buy players such as Cristiano Ronaldo, Kaka, and Xabi Alonso, who are all now estremely embarrass. Spare a thought for them. They have win nothing this year. Nothing.

Real's president, Florentino Perez, have said that "Mourinho's style of play will fit with the history of Madrid. To win, the values, the spirit of sacrifice, it will fit perfectly." I am not sure which Madrid he is talk about here. I am hope he is refer to the heroism of Siege of the Alcázar, rather than the sneakiness of fifth columnists. But of course it takes more than a spirit of sacrifice to win. It requires stealth, cleverness, and torture of prisoners. Ask Alex Ferguson.

Mourinho will not lack for motivation to win La Liga. Everyone is know how much he despise Barcelona for the contempt with which they treat him and for never having offer him the manager job there. Mourinho would take the Madrid job just to snub the Catalans (so if Perez has play his cards right, he should be able to get Mourinho cheap!). In Barcelona, they are still refer to him as "The Translator," because when he come to the club with Bobby Robson from Portugal, it was Mourinho who learn Catalan and who answer all the interview questions for him and for Louis van Gaal afterward, when Robson leave. Who can forget the hilarious post-match chat on La Sexta when one of the questioners was describe van Gaal's demeanour as "Fishwifish" but Mourinho was translate it as "Fishknifish"? Everyone was fall about on the floor when they see the look on van Gaal's face. Because it was very fishwifish indeed!*

Incidentally, I am not sure why calling someone "The Translator" is such an insult in Barcelona. If you go there or to the Basque country or Cornwall or any similar such places where they have artificially encouraged dead languages, you will find that nearly 50% of those in work are either interpreters or translators. Is one of the main ways to stimulate the economy when the rest of the population is feckless. Perhaps it is an insult in the same way that dole cheats and lazy anarchists mock hard-working ordinary folk as "wage slaves." In which case Mourinho should wear it as a badge of pride, and when Real win La Liga nest year, on his blazer he should have the word "Translator" printed. In Catalan.

I am also hope just to spite Barcelona that we will get a decent sponsor this year. Barcelona is so pious and high and mighty with Unesco emblazoned across their shirts it make me want to puke. They are SO self-righteous. Hopefully we can find sponsors who make something that kill children, such as a weapons manufacturer or McDonald's. There is nothing worse than a holier-than-thou Catalan, and is about time that they were reminded that it is Real Madrid that is Jesus' team, not theirs. That is why Jesus wears white!

Besos

Manuel












* I am reliably inform that these are the only two words in the English language in which the word "fish" is appear twice. The only phrase that comes close is Martin Luther King's famous "I haddock bream."

Craven Cottagers!!

David Cameron, Nick Clegg, Maggie Thatcher, Lady Di. Your Boys Took One Hell of a Beating!!

For the next 12 months, no Real Madrid fan is going to be able to get a shoeshine, a pizza delivered, or a happy ending, because all of these mundane and menial tasks will run the risk of an encounter with a fan of the so-call football team Atlético Madrid, which as you will have see last night, humiliate the public schoolboys of Fulham, Chelsea, Putney, London, England, in the final of some second-rate European competition for losers, a bit like the Plate event at Wimbledon, which is what they introduce to give English tennis players the chance to win something.

There is a reason why Real Madrid fans sing, only half in jest, the song, "I'd rather be a Catalan than Atlético fan." This is because the very esistence of Atlético Madrid makes public knowledge the fact that our beautiful and holy city is also home to morons and imbeciles who think they are being clever and non-conformist by not following what is clearly the best team in the world. Is like asking a teenage girl "Which is your favorite vampire movie?" and she say, "Nosferatu." You would know she is just being difficult.

Like similarly, following Atlético is nothing more or less than a sign of immaturity. Is something only an adolescent would do. Which, of course, is good news for the street ladies of Hamburg, who last night will have had a bumper time getting through 25 or 30 Atlético fans each hour, premature ejaculation being what it is among virgins. And of course, hormones being what they are, none of the Fulham fans will have been visit the prostitutes. Scientific research has demonstrate that when a fan's team is lose, his testosterone levels are drop through the floor like Ruth Ellis, and he is have no desire whatsoever to have sex with anyone, including himself.

What is for certain is that you will not hear on the news this morning the phrase "There were clashes outside the ground after the match," because (1) the Atlético fans will have been escorted straight onto their schoolbus home and (2) because Fulham fans usually are leave a place they visit tidier and cleaner than when they get there. Public schools may inculcate in the English a love of homosexuality, arrogance, sado-masochism, and spotted dicks, but at least it is teach them to make their beds and leave their rooms spik and span. Failure to do so was mean they face the headboy's wrath, which is I think an English word for naked caning. Not only will the streets of Hamburg be spotless this morning, but even some of the street ladies will have been redeemed, taking up jobs this morning as temps, legal secretaries, or dental hygienists. For many of them, it will mean a drop in income, of course, and for any French ladies among them it will mean giving up their vocation, but if it means the city will be less sullied and decadent, I am think it is all worth it. Perhaps Fulham should be made to play away every weekend. Against Barcelona!

Is a joke!!